DWP #24: STAY {10.6.17}

How do you tell someone that they must stay at the nursing home and can't come home?

How do you respond to the continuous loop of questions, asking the same thing over and over because he doesn't remember the answer, let alone ever asking the question?

How do you decide what to do when one moment there is perfect clarity, and the next you are back in the days of your childhood or the great war or living with your brother who died 20 years ago?

How do you decide what things to bring to make his room a little more like home, knowing perfectly well that he won't recognize the people in the pictures or the items he once loved?

How do you go back to your home and live amongst the silence, knowing that this is your new reality?

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This week has been a rough one. My stepfather suffers from dementia, probably Alzheimer's, although he hasn't been diagnosed -- yet. After caring for him at home, the decision was made this week to move him into a facility where he will receive the care he needs.

This decision was heartbreaking, torturous, and yet a relief to make. There was wavering. Then there was certainty. Then wavering again.

There were tears. Lots and lots of tears. Lots and lots of guilt. Lots and lots of questions.

Watching my mom go through this has been horrible, but it has made me stronger. I have done things this week that I didn't know I could do. I am blessed to be able to walk beside her through this week, to be her voice when she couldn't find her own, to be a buffer when it got bad.

Losing your memory,and at times your mind, is a horrendous way to finish your life. Living with someone going through this is beyond words.

This is the long goodbye.

I am so thankful that the decision was made to have him stay at the care facility. Starting today, he will have the attention and structure he needs to help him. My mom will no longer be his caregiver and can go back to being his wife. The nurses -- oh, the amazing nurses -- are a gift from God.